Blue days. . .

Every once in a while, for no apparent reason, the blues descend upon me.  That's what's happening today.  For no apparent reason. 

I had a restless night.  I don't remember my dreams from last night but I remember there were many and that I had to wake myself up to stop the feeling of urgency bordering on panic.  Those kinds of dreams always leave me with a bit of a dull headache and that's not a nice way to start the day.

As I sat down to read today's paper I heard birds chirping, lots of them and like my dreams, there was a sense of urgency to them.  I got up to look out the window and saw a bunch of robins chasing off a very large raven.  Last week I took some terrific pictures of three baby robins that were in  a nest sitting on the drainage pipe under the eaves so when I saw them chasing I knew they were protecting their babies.  I looked around for something to throw at the raven if it came near again and in the time it took me to do that the raven had knocked the nest off the drainage pipe and was flying away with one of the chicks in it's beak, with three or four robins giving chase.  I felt sick.

I wondered why mother nature had to be so cruel.  My headache got worse.

One of the pleasures of being retired is being able to have a leisurely start to my day.  I often get up and putter around the house tidying etc and then have a hot drink while I read the paper.  I love reading the morning paper, it feels like a luxury.  I can skim the negative headlines and settle into the stories that really interest me.  Today's paper seems to be full of horrible stories.  Now, to be perfectly honest, most days there are lots of those stories and I am able to just skim the headline and breeze on by them.  Today though they bothered me, even the headlines.  It just seems like that kind of day.

I have no plans for today other than to vote, clean under the sink and organize an upstairs room.  Today is a day I am wishing I had to go to work.  I am wishing for the noisy chatter of the kids and the million and one things that always needed attention.  Today I am not enjoying the quiet that I have learned to love.  Today is a good day to remember that the sunshine is always brighter after a few grey days.

The clouds are breaking a little so perhaps it's time to get on my bike so I can turn my attention to my sore butt and burning legs.  A little distraction is what I need.



Motherhood

 

I've been a mother for almost four decades now!  Four decades!  For all of you new moms out there I want you to know that this role you have taken on is the role of a lifetime.  It's the roller coaster ride you paid big money for, stood in line for and then as you got closer to the front of the line you wondered if you really wanted to get on..  And. . . as you all know, it's not the up on the roller coaster that causes that lurch in our stomachs, it's the downs.  No matter how good you are at this mom thing there will be downs, they are inevitable.  But this is where we lose the roller coast analogy for the ups of motherhood are so much more exhilarating, so much higher, in fact, they are the best part of the ride.

I am Jason's mom, and Christine's, and Carrie's, and Kelly's mom.  I am a proud mom.  I know along the way that I have made mistakes but I'm okay with that.  There's no manual for motherhood and anyone who knows me knows that I've never read a manual in my life anyways.  I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person and like it or not, this is how I've 'mothered'. 

I became a mom for the first time when I was 18.  What does any 18 year old know?  Not that much in the scheme of things.  So when my kids complain about things I don't remember and things I didn't do right I tell them that considering my age and my lack of experience they're lucky they're even around to complain.  I wasn't a worrier.  There was no internet so I couldn't consult Dr. Google on any of the issues that came up.  Not that I would have recognized an "issue" if one would have arisen.  I had no immediate family around and these weren't the days of mommy groups.  For the most part I did what I liked.  I picked my babies up when they cried, I spent all day playing with them and being amazed by how perfect they were.  I did things that nowadays would be frowned on but again, I wouldn't have likely cared what the 'experts' were saying anyways even if I would have known.  And as luck would have it, it all worked out for the best.  My kids are terrific!

When I think back on the early days of motherhood I think of the quiet times and in spite of having four kids there were many quiet times.  I can remember moments of snuggling a wee one in my arms and just smelling that wonderful baby smell.  I can feel the heat of my toddlers' bodies as they settle in for a story.  I can see the fingerprints on the walls and the windows and the fridge and the cupboards and in places you can't even imagine fingerprints could get.  I can hear the squeal of each of their voices as they said to their dad, "Do it again!  Do it again!"  I can feel the soft squeeze of  my babies' fists as they hold a finger while they nurse.  I can hear the sound a mattress makes as my children bounce up and down on the bed on the floor above me, waiting for that thump and cry that tells me that it's time to kiss the  'owie' away.  I remember each of their first days at Kindergarten and the feeling in the pit of my stomach as I wished for kind teachers and happy playmates, hoping they were ready for the 'real' world.  And in the blink of an eye the years have passed and I now have  the pleasure and the honor of watching each of these amazing people go through the same experiences with their own children. 

That's how fast motherhood passes.  Just like the roller coaster, the ride you've been anticipating as you stood in line, it is over in a flash.  Those wee babies grow up and make mistakes and learn from them, make friends, lose them and make new friends, fall in love, get hurt and fall in love again, leave home, come home and leave home again, love you, dislike you and love you again.  It's all part and parcel of motherhood and I wouldn't have missed it for the world,

Jason, Christine, Carrie and Kelly, thank you for surviving my ignorance and lack of experience.  Thank you for making motherhood so easy.  Thank you for all the hugs and kisses and tears along the way.  Thank you for being such terrific kids and now for being such terrific adults.  Thank you for sharing your own families with us day in and day out.  Thank you for making my motherhood experience such a wonderful one!  I love you!

   

 



He was a shy boy and I was a not-so-shy girl.

He was a shy boy and I was a not-so-shy girl.  He was quiet, but had an air of confidence about him.  I was not-so-quiet and while I had an air of confidence, inside I was a little less sure of myself.  I think he was the same.  That's how you are when you're 17 and you really like someone.  You shine on the outside but on the inside you just hope he likes you back.  He did.  And now 42 years have passed and we are about to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary.

If I had waited until now to marry I wouldn't have found a more perfect partner to dance through life with.  He's the calm to my storm, the salt to my pepper, the dessert to my main course.  I love seeing life through his eyes and having him see life through mine.  We are very different people brought together by a love of laughter, family and a very strong set of common beliefs.  I bring adventure to his life and he brings stability to mine and sometimes it is the other way around and that is good.

We have weathered many storms but, to steal a great quote, you don't become a good sailor on calm seas.  We don't agree on a lot of things but over the years have learned to agree to disagree. Well, okay, maybe we're still working on that one.   We have seen and done many, many things we never dreamed we'd see or do.  There are also many, many things we still dream of doing.  In fact, as the years pass by our bucket list gets longer and longer instead of shorter and shorter.

There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thankful for all he's brought to my life.  But mostly I think that it's so wonderful knowing that some of our best days are still ahead of us!  Joanne Woodward said, "Sexiness wears thin after a while [not yet], and beauty fades [not yet] but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah now that's a real treat."  He does make me laugh every day, this not-so-shy girl who married the oh-so-shy boy, and for the last 40 years life has been a treat! That's what happens when you choose the right one and he chooses you too!

     

Still true !

 

Children, Learning and Technology

 

As you can see from the picture above, my grandson has learned to use his "cell phone" at an early age.  While he was doing construction (yes, he also plays with real toys and digs in the dirt as well) he felt the need to call in the firemen so he quickly grabbed his cell phone, leaned up against the cupboard and proceeded to fill them in on the problem.  He was 3 when this picture was taken.  My granddaughter is masterful with a digital camera, an i-pad and a cell phone.  Yesterday I had face time with my 5 month old grandson who is in Toronto for a couple of weeks.  Each day I check my What's App so that I stay in touch with a wonderful group of women from all over North America.  We met at a yoga retreat in Costa Rica a few weeks ago.  They support my practice daily from far, far away.  My schedule syncs from my i-pad to my phone and I checked my i-phone notes yesterday to see how many square feet of tile I needed to pick up for my backsplash.  I read deep into the wee hours of the night on my i-books app.  I love technology!

 

The picture of my grandson tells only a little of the story that technology plays in the world of our children.  I watched a news story a few days ago discussing the merits of technology in the classroom and the announcer stated, "it is the future of our children".  My son, an educator and a techy-type guy, was agitated enough by the comment to look up from his i-pad and respond with, "It is NOT the future!  It is the PRESENT!".  He is right. And herein lies part of the problem.  Some of the people making educational decisions, some of the people teaching in our classrooms, some people in the media and some people who discuss children and technology do not understand that NOW is the future.  Our children are immersed in technology and yet many schools still ban these powerful tools from our classrooms.

 

And then there are the others.  Those that enhance their own educational development and that of their students by CAREFULLY and strategically using the tools at their disposal.  I loved the article on Kent Elementary's website telling us about Mrs. Garrioch's kindergarten class sharing their Lego creations with an Abbotsford school on a site called Skype Play.  The article acknowledges that making this tool useful has taken time and experimentation.  I also loved it that the Abbotsford students wanted to know when they could "really" play with the kids from Kent.  Technology does not interfere with real-life interaction in this case, but actually enhances it. Kent Elementary School in Agassiz, B.C. is full of technology innovators from the teaching staff  to the administration to support staff and most importantly, through the students.  A couple of years ago a student created a stunning video on Judge Begbie, the hanging judge.  The video was an animated Lego production and was presented as a "real" movie with credits rolling, a musical score and a wonderfully informed narration.  It was truly amazing, particularly for a 10 year old!  There were also many cool poster-board demonstrations.  The point is that the boy who did the video would not have been inspired by the poster boards and the students who did the poster boards may not have enjoyed completing the video.  In this case technology helped engage a student who otherwise may not have made the most of this particular learning experience.

 

And then there are the others.  I worked in a school where there was a "no personal technology" rule for all classrooms.  In the hallways these students were constantly texting, surfing the web, talking to friends, reading reminders, checking their schedules and sometimes even ordering lunch.  At lunch time they helped  me learn how to use my new i-phone.  ("No, Mrs. Watson!  You don't need to google mapquest, you can use the icon on your phone."  "Mrs. Watson, you don't need to keep bringing  your camera to school.  Use your phone camera and then e-mail the pics to yourself so you can print them!).   I learned something new every day from those students.  I hope they can say the same!  And then they went to class.  I worked with a colleague (who had come from Kent Elementary).  She was a young teacher, full of enthusiasm, full of ideas, full of innovative ways to engage those challenging middle school students.  She tried speaking with the administration about setting aside the "rule" in her classroom as she had no computers available for student use.  It was a foods class and the students used their cellphones to convert recipes from standard measurement to metric.  They used their cellphones to find how to substitute ingredients in recipes to make them healthier.  They used their cellphones to take pictures of their creations.  Their teacher was disciplined for not following the "rule".  Sad really.

 

I know I am by-passing the challenges that come with tecnhology in the classroom, particularly in a middle or high school setting, and there are many.  I think those challenges are worth taking on though and if people are willing there are answers to these challenges.  It's not a new concept this overcoming of challenges.  In fact, Abraham Lincoln spoke of it it 1862.   "The dogmas of the quiet past, are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew."

 

While I believe these two schools are at opposite ends of the spectrum on their approach to technology I do acknowledge that the spectrum is large and varied.  We think of technology as computers, in today's world it is so much more.  Many schools expose students to technology through programs  (graphic design, drafting, photography/editing, computer programming, robotics etc.)  Many engage the technology to enhance student presentations, to make them more interesting and more challenging.  Many find ways to present their own teacher material in more interesting ways as well.  Educators who are willing have unlimited technology resources at their fingertips.

 

While I am retired I am still very interested in education.  I follow a few blogs, read many articles online and love it when I am included in educational discussions.  There is a new breed of leaders out there and they are using technology to inform each other, learn from each other, challenge each others' thinking and support each other.  Their ideas are big ones.  Their "learning community" is unlimited.  The voices that speak come from different cultures, different communities, different levels of experience and different-minded thinkers.  They are richly diverse and incredibly inspiring.

 

Technology isn't part of our childrens' futures, it is their NOW.  Kudos to those educational leaders who have enriched their own learning through technology and more importantly, have found ways to enrich our childrens' learning as well. 

 

Meet Annie, The Girl Who Could Fly.  Yes, it's an ad for Dell Computers but it's also amazing!

 

http://vimeo.com/46862918

 

 

 



The Power of Touch

“Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone's hand is the beginning of a journey."

                                                  -unknown

 

 

Today, as I was driving down the freeway, I looked over at the car I was passing and witnessed the driver, a young man, reaching over to the passenger side and stroking the back of his hand alongside the cheek of the woman with him.  They were driving a rusted out old car, filled to the brim with camping supplies along with two kayaks perched precariously on the roof.  They didn't look like they had much, but they sure looked like they had love.  How did I know?  The soft, gentle stroke of his hand on her cheek reflected the love that was in his heart.  The look on her face as she leaned into that touch also spoke of her love for him. 

 

It reminded me of a scene my husband and I witnessed as we were out for an afternoon walk a few years ago.  We were strolling along the main street in our small town just enjoying the sunny day.  As we approached an older couple we watched him help her from her walker to the passenger side of the van.  He had already opened her door and now gently supported her as she made her way into her seat.  It took a bit for her to get in and settle but as soon as she did she too reached out her hand and put it gently against the cheek of her husband and with a gentle smile on her face whispered, "Thanks!".  It all happened in a few seconds but it touched our hearts and when we speak of it now we both have a clear picture in our heads of that brief, loving exchange.  The image still brings tears to my eyes.

 

When you live in a large, loving family you don't really think that much about touch.  However, I just spent two weeks away from my family and one of the things I missed the most was their touch.  The feel of their hand against my shoulder or their arms wrapped around me hugging me hello or good-bye or perhaps, just hugging me 'because'.  With two new babies in our family there is no shortage of snuggling and really, there is no other touch in the world that compares with a warm baby curled up and fast asleep against your chest, especially a newborn.  But these aren't the only ways we touch.  Think of the many ways you and your loved ones touch.  My husband and I love to snuggle up as we watch television.  We sometimes dance in the kitchen.  We hold hands when we walk.  When I am feeling stressed (which is less and less these days) I simply put my hand up against the back of his shoulder and I can literally feel the tension drain from my body.  Touching is a part of each and every day for us and for our family. 

 

Our two older grandchildren love to wrestle and trust me, this involves a lot of touching . . . and giggling. . . and laughing. . . and lots and lots of crazy names (chest thumper, arm thwacker etc. - which are really more harmless then they sound!).   We read a lot of books in our family and this always involves snuggling.  In fact, research shows that the physical interaction that happens during reading is more important than the actual physical exposure to the words.

 

When I got home from my trip I had mentioned to my family how much I had missed their touch.  My two youngest daughters told me that they had just been talking about this the week before.  They had been out for a walk together with their babies and had passed an old folks home.  They discussed whether or not it would be a good idea for them to visit this home with their babies as they both know how much their nanny (91 years old) had enjoyed snuggling the babies on our last visit with her.  I thought it was a terrific idea.

 

While I know it's dangerous territory these days I always touched the students I worked with.  A hand on the shoulder or an old-fashioned hug go a long way in making anyone feel better, not just young children. 

 

All of these things happening have made me wonder how starved for touch some people may be in their life and how we, as individuals, can give this small but precious gift to those living without it.  What do you think? 

 

 



Limitations? What limitations?

Last July I read a post that spoke loudly to me.  It came to me through my daughter-in-law's sister (my monkey sister) Stefanie Thomas.  Stefanie writes regularly for an online Christian 'magazine' called, She Loves (http://shelovesmagazine.com/2012/a-love-letter-to-my-body/ ).  The link is to an article called, A Love Letter To My Body.  This letter created a response that I'm sure even the author was surprised by and soon many, many women had responded with their own stories. The letters made me laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time, but mostly they made me cry.  Stories of cancer, accidents, eating disorders, abuse and sadness reflected the complicated relationship that many women have with their bodies.  Mixed in amongst the sad stories were also stories of courage, strength, perseverance and beauty, letters from women thanking their bodies for all they had been through together.

As I age (sometimes not so gracefully) I think more and more of the times when my body was a non-entity to me.  I could run, jump, throw, swing, ski, swim, golf and play with the best of them.  I didn't often think about the sheer beauty and power of being able to do all of these things, the freedom to just play whenever I wanted. 

When I was about 17 my brother and a friend of his came to watch me play ball.  Softball was my great love at this time and stayed at the top of my list for many more years to come.  I remember my brother telling me after the game that his friend had noticed me right away because I 'moved like an athlete'.  I had no idea if this was a compliment or not but I took it as one.  When I think of that now I think how quickly I could snag a ground ball, how aggressive I was on the bases and how much I loved to be in pressure situations. I used to stand on the field thinking, 'hit it to me, hit it to me', especially if we needed that out.  I wished to be up with two down, runners on the bases, bottom of the ninth, one run behind.  I didn't always get the out or the hit but I believed I could and I believed I would.  I also believed that it would always be this way.  Not so.

I have had, and continue to have, some health problems that have limited my ability to be active over the last few years.  But, the simple truth is that I have not taken care of my body in a way that allowed it to be the best it could be.  Those "letters to my body" that I read woke me up to the simple fact that I too had 'blamed' my body for my limitations.  In some ways, I continue to do so.  I have become used to not being able to do things and have accepted this with nary a fight.  This is not my way.  I don't accept defeat easily in any part of my life so why have did I give up so easily? 

A couple of weeks ago I travelled to Costa Rica with my very fit sister-in-law and her very fit husband.  Sherri had invited me to attend a yoga retreat that she was teaching and I almost didn't go.  Why?  Because I did not feel fit enough.  I have just started practicing yoga and wasn't sure I would be up to the standard of those attending a retreat.  I wasn't sure I could "do it", whatever "it" was.  In the end, the invitation was too good to pass up. I took some extra yoga classes and when I meditated there was always a portion of my practice that focused on accepting myself the way I am.

Before we headed to the mountains for the retreat we spent a few days at the beachside village of Jaco.  As we sauntered through town one afternoon we passed an adventure company advertising a series of day excursions that all looked interesting.  We settled on a four hour trip into the rainforest that included a waterfall walk.  It all looked so lovely in the pictures. we got to the end of the Landrover trip up the mountainside andscovered was that this would be a three hour trip walking down the mountain and then back up through the riverbed and through 8 waterfalls.  Did you hear the part where I said "up"?  Well, for a few years now I have had considerable trouble with my arthritic knees (already having had one surgery).  Going downhill is tough at the best of times but steep trails are daunting.  Up is a little easier but this 'up' was quite a lot different than the 'ups' I am used to.  This 'up' required a rope attached to the rock so I could pull myself up the very steep parts.  Walking through the riverbed was my worst fear.  My knees do not do well on bumpy terrain and I knew I wouldn't be able to see where I was placing my feet.  What had I gotten myself into?

Well, you want to know the truth?  I had gotten myself into one of the most fun days of my life.  It hurt going down the hill, I'm not going to lie to you.  But the up - the up was terrific.  We went slow enough for me to feel my way onto solid footing.  At each of the waterfall pools we stopped for 15 minutes or so to swim.  The cool water was lovely on my knees.

You can see the rope in the top left of the picture and that rope will always remind me not to be so accepting of my limitations.  If I had known what the walk entailed I would not have gone.  I would not have believed I could do it.  I learned an important lesson that day about my limitations.  While I had blamed my body for the things I could no longer do it was in fact not my body, but my own attitude that has been holding me back.  No longer.  This day opened up some new possibilities for me, possibilities that had always existed but I had not seen.  I went on to enjoy a wonderful yoga retreat experience that was also enriched by having experienced the waterfalls.  I now knew that I could do all I needed to.  I had a newfound belief in my heart and in my body.

I learned new and wonderful things in the yoga retreat.  I met wonderful women who shared their stories and their hearts.  But I do think the whole experience would have been a little less rich if I hadn't experienced the waterfalls.  Thanks to my wonderful body for opening my eyes to all it can be!

Today

Today I got on my bike and went for a 75 minute bike ride. It was chilly to start, especially on my hands and my face. It got warmer as I went, as it always does. I rode through the farm roads around where we live and saw (gratefully) signs that "winter" is losing its grip in our neck of the woods. I'm not usually particularly appreciative at this time of the year. I don't like the bareness of the landscape, the dull grey skies, the mud in the fields and that little nip in the air that really is all that constitues winter, well at least this year.

Today however, I looked through different eyes. In those bare trees I could see massive eagle nests. All around the fields, the trees and those nests soar one of the most elegant, beautiful creatures on our earth. I love the trill they make as they chase each other up and down and far and near. Today they were near. And there were many of them, perhaps thirty or forty. Several sported the signature white caps but many were the mottled brown of the younger generation.

In the muddy, dead fields filled with last year's cut off corn stalks I could see the mallards pairing off as they do at this time of the year. Everywhere I looked, every puddle there were pairs of mallards. Through today's eyes I saw nature at work. Those broken off corn stalks will soon be ploughed under and either a new crop will take its place or the field will sit bare signifying that it's that fields turn for a dormant year, a time to renew the soil.

Cloudy skies, mainly grey, settled down low around our snow-capped mountains. The sun powered its way through the greyness and I could feel a hint of warmth on my face as I stopped to take pictures. Far on the northern hilltops the clouds parted and that soft blue sky you get only at this time of the year peeked through, a sight for sore eyes.

There are many hobby farms in the Fraser Valley and those I passed were filled with shaggy animals. All of them looked about ready to lose their patchy, scraggly winter coats. Horses, goats, and llamas glanced as I rode by. Pigs rolled in the mud (yes, they actually do that), chickens scattered and dogs barked. It wasn't my speed that caught their eye, just my presence.

I do struggle staying active during those dark winter nights and today was a promise of more activity, on my part and mother nature's. I'm hoping we see more of each other as the days stretch out and I find my biking legs again.